chapter 4, the last sentence in a random essay plus the essay

First, the random essay = due to being convenient for formatting.

I have an overactive imagination that does not want to stop, and cannot be argued with so I let it run the show most of the time… My dad was a chemical engineer,my mother had a degree in engineering mathematics and was an R.N. I have a degree in physics. Humor had to be re-learned the hard way. But I will never let that go agian. Perhaps far less well off materialistically, but the quality of life now is worth the trade. I was an extreme introvert for so long. These days, I still need time alone; yet I can go out and make a complete ass of myself in public and not really care. Talk with any stranger I meet with a positive outcome likilhood that still surprises the hell out of me. Yes it is worth whateer cost; if you can figure out how to do it so “cost” no longer applies, I feel very lucky to have discovered this now instead of later. it works in my favor and causes trouble about 50/50. Though I’m learning to get the ‘favorable’ percentage much higher these days. Write screen plays rather than act on stupidy directly is more productive…. I was watching School of Rock for the millionth time and caught somethimg new. When one of the girls assigned to name the band says “How about Pig Rectum?” while Jack Black is talkin to the principal – I saw that as so hilarious I came up with a movie about the girl having a legit reason to say that all her life, including a scene where she’s director for the CDC giving a live press conference. And ends with her excusing herself to go somewhere and breakdown in hysterics with a flashback to her first exec position with a company that makes generic food and is given the task to come up with a generic food lower than spam…. That came out of nowhere. Just popped into my head & I stopped the movie to write as much of it before I forgot. That was some 12 hours of total entertainment w/o anything save imagination and a sense of humor. I was able to make getting my wallet stolen into something really funny – The 30ish professionally dressed woman on the bus thought so too, who didn’t strike me as the type who laughed often at obscene jokes. I was ridiculously happy for weeks when I should have been upset and angry the entire time. So, if I can get a laugh from having my wallet stolen and not slip into a bad mood at all over it – hey I think this works for me. Such takes a lot of practice and effort; but I feel is well worth it. I do not have 4 week major depressive episodes anymore; I used to several times a year, every year since I was 18. At least in the past 2 years I have not had any lasting more than a day and lately I’ve been getting them down to a few hours. When you have lived with this most your life and suddenly learn how to get rid of it. Anything is worth not going throuh those. Turns out it’s a pretty easy and cheap fix compared with 300mg of Zoloft daily going up to 500 at times (the clinical safety of doses over 300mg has not been studied). The US DOE advanced tech projects dept just sent me a reply. I gave them an idea for electric car modifcations for free and said do whatever you want with this. And I did study the research for a couple months to know that it is conceivable. They said to resubmit it as a business plan. I think I’ll donate it as a U Michigan alumni to the engineering school. Oh I guess I could make money from it if I put a lot of time into the matter, yet I lack the desire. Despite having put real time and effort into it, I no longer equate making money from it with success. I shall add a simple conditoin that if anything- tangile -comes from this, some portion of the proceeds be turned into an anonymous scholarship thing. Doing it this way is more enjoyable and a better reason to do something than I could possibly find any other way that is meaningful. Otherwise it would be “work’ not something I did because it was interesting and fun. Changing the context in that sense would de-value (to me) the entire effort where I would not wish to do it again. In 1998 I designed a 4 seat networked digital video workgroup editing system. Even had a working prototype shown at NAB. Being young, stupid and greedy wrecked the situation AND I lost all desire to do creative stuff like that for a few years. I believe if that went big; the personal result would be the same.

The Last Sentence Bit

Doing it for the sake of I enjoy creative design has the opposite effect.